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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450508">Duet of Despair</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitlinnetje/pseuds/Caitlinnetje'>Caitlinnetje</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tentacle Tragical Trilogy [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Alcohol, Cheating, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Exes, Falling In Love, Gay Sex, Kissing, Love, Love Story, M/M, Manipulation, Music, Smoking, SquidwardxSpongebob</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:14:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitlinnetje/pseuds/Caitlinnetje</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SpongeBob and Squidward have been together for four months and Squidward has finally forgotten about his trauma from the past, until the one responsible for it shows up again. Squidward has to choose between SpongeBob and the mixed feelings Squilliam is causing him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles, Squilliam Fancyson/Squidward Tentacles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tentacle Tragical Trilogy [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979503</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Somehow the bad always follows the good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Once again, first of all the disclaimer that English is not my main language so there may be some mistakes. And second of all: I think this story could be read without reading part 1, but I do highly recommend reading it so you know where it all comes from. And sorry Squidward, but I really couldn’t let Squilliam go just yet; he is such a fun character to write.<br/>I hope you enjoy the first chapter and I am always up for feedback or comments :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Squidward is lying in bed. He has been listening to SpongeBobs footsteps running around his house, opening doors, cabinets and tiptoeing past the bedroom door all morning. He knows what he is doing, of course, but he just pretends that he is still asleep to not spoil SpongeBobs surprise. The yellow sponge can’t help it that he is almost always incredibly noisy in everything he does. And at least he is trying.</p><p>“Ooooh Squidwaaaaaaard” SpongeBobs voice sounds across the hallway. Squidward closes his eyes and turns around in bed so he is now lying on his side. He can hear the door opening and squeaky shoes walking towards him. A moment later SpongeBobs soft and tender fingers run across his face and a whispering ‘wakes’ him up: “Squiddy, wake up honey, it’s a special day today.”</p><p>Squidward turns around and pretends to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “What… Oh good morning, Sponge.”</p><p>SpongeBob leans closer to kiss him. As soon as their lips touch Squidward can feel his whole body tingling. He pulls the sponge closer and embraces him, hugging him as tightly as possible. Before he and SpongeBob got together he was never one for hugs, but SpongeBobs soft and warm body has changed that since and more often <em>he</em> is the one asking SpongeBob for a hug. He still can’t believe he never liked it before, because SpongeBob has been hugging him for as long as he can remember. But probably he was just suppressing his feelings at that time.</p><p>“Squidward, stop,” SpongeBob tries to retrieve from his grip, “you need to come downstairs with me. I’ve got a surpriiise.”</p><p>Squidward hums displeased and kisses him again. “Can’t we stay up here? It’s cold downstairs, and it’s warm in bed.”</p><p>SpongeBob giggles. “I’ll warm you up. Please come.”</p><p>Grumbling Squidward stands up from his bed, putting on his slippers and his robe that SpongeBob had carefully placed on his bedside table, knowing how much he dislikes having wrinkles in a piece of clothing. As he ties the strings on his robe SpongeBob excitedly grabs his tentacle. “Close your eyes.”</p><p>“First you want me to wake up and now I have to close my eyes again?” Squidward teases, but does as he says, leaving his bathrobe only partially closed.</p><p>SpongeBob drags him down the stairs, running so fast Squidward is almost tripping over his own tentacles. It’s a good thing he knows his own stairs by heart, otherwise he would have been lying on the floor now, probably tied up in one or the other decoration SpongeBob has put up.</p><p>Squidward knows they are now standing inside his living room when SpongeBob tells him to open his eyes again. The yellow creature can barely keep his excitement and has crushed Squidwards tentacle a little trying to keep it steady.</p><p>Squidward opens his eyes, and although he has known since the beginning what SpongeBob was doing, he is still surprised by how much of it there is. His whole room is covered in different colors of serpentine hanging from the ceiling, a bundle of balloons in every corner and glistening lights run across the entire room. SpongeBob has even gone as far as decorating his dining table in matching colors to the cake they baked together.</p><p>Squidwards jaw must have dropped because SpongeBob gently closes it with his finger and squeezes his nose playfully. “Do you like it?”</p><p>Squidward nods and picks up SpongeBob so he can easily look him in the eye: “It’s beautiful.”</p><p>SpongeBob wiggles around pleased in his tentacles. “Happy birthday, honey.” He wraps his legs around Squidwards body and rests his head on his shoulder. “Do you still want me to warm you up?”</p><p>Squidward can’t help himself but blushing and giggling. “It wouldn’t hurt.”</p><p>SpongeBob jumps out of his tentacles and grabs two party hats from the table. He puts one on his own head and one on Squidwards’. Then he extends his stretchy yellow arms to pick up the cake from the other end of the table. He waves around the cake in front of Squidwards face, making the flames on the candles dance from side to side. “Are you feeling warm now?”</p><p>Squidward can’t help but feel a little disappointed. But he should have known that SpongeBob meant something different than he thought. After all; he is still this little kid. “It might help to close my robe” he says sarcastically.</p><p>“Got it!” SpongeBob balances the cake on top of one hand while tightening the strings of the purple fabric.</p><p>Squidward rolls his eyes but laughs a little at SpongeBobs maneuvers at the same time. “How about we slice that cake up now?”</p><p>SpongeBob jumps up, making the cake wobble in his hand.</p><p>“Before you DROP it!”</p><p>He quickly puts the cake down before it will actually fall on the floor. “Can I cut it, Squiddy? Can I, can I, can I, can I? Pleeeaaaase?”</p><p>“Alright, but don’t hurt yourself.”</p><p>Squidward looks upon SpongeBob a bit frightened when he picks up a sharp knife to slice the cake. Yes, of course he has cooked before but Squidward is always worried that he will cut off a finger or something. Especially when he is overly excited like at this moment. Everybody knows that the sponge isn’t the most careful person in Bikini Bottom.</p><p>Luckily nothing goes wrong and SpongeBob hands Squidward the biggest slice of cake he has ever seen. “Am I supposed to eat <em>all</em> of this?”</p><p>SpongeBob nods: “It’s your birthday Squiddy! You can’t celebrate without cake!” He slices a piece for himself; bigger than Squidwards’ if that is even possible.</p><p>When they sit down at the table to eat SpongeBob looks at Squidward with twinkling eyes. He rests his cheeks on top of his palms and bites his lip. Squidward just knows that he is swinging his legs back and forth as well; meaning he wants to tell him something he is excited about. After a few bites of the sweet frosted dough he gives in to it. “What is it SpongeBob?”</p><p>“Don’t you want your present?”</p><p>Squidward shrugs: “Well… yes. What’ve you got?”</p><p>SpongeBob is now biting his lip so hard it looks like it’s going to burst any moment and his swinging legs are making the whole table shake. “You are going to like it so, so, so much!”</p><p>“What is it?” Despite the fact that SpongeBob is spilling crumbs all over the table, annoying Squidward immensely, he starts to get a little curious about what present he has got him. After all, SpongeBob is very thoughtful and should know what he enjoys. <em>Maybe a case for my clarinet! Or some paintbrushes… he knows I need new ones. Or maybe he got me the shoes I really liked when we went to the stores the other day, or maybe---</em></p><p>“You’ll see, Squiddy.” SpongeBob has gone back to eating his cake as if nothing happened, trying not to look the octopus in the eyes and spoil his surprise.</p><p>Squidward shakes his head and laughs. “You know, you’re really something Sponge.”</p><p> </p><p>That afternoon Squidward had invited a couple of people they know. Mostly because SpongeBob really wanted him to celebrate a birthday the ‘right way’. <em>He</em> would have been fine just spending the day at home, watching some television or tending his garden, maybe having SpongeBob over for a couple hours and eat a nice meal together. But he simply couldn’t say no to SpongeBob inviting a couple of, mostly his own, friends over when he had looked at him with his big blue eyes.</p><p>“Welcome Mr. Krabs and Pearl!” SpongeBob is opening the door to their boss and his daughter like a true doorman. They are the last ones to arrive at the party and Patrick, Sandy, Gary and even Plankton are already inside the living room.</p><p>“Who wants a piece of the best cake ever?” SpongeBob has managed to wriggle between all the visitors and reach the table before Mr. Krabs and Pearl are inside.</p><p>“Oh, oh, me first, me first!” Patrick calls out, holding his plate out to his friend.</p><p>Plankton climbs up the table to look at SpongeBob. He gestures him to come closer and whispers in his ear: “What’s <em>inside </em>the cake?”</p><p>SpongeBob laughs. “Well, some sprinkles and frosting. And my favorite jellyfish jelly.”</p><p>“But what’s the cake made out of?”</p><p>“Uhhhh… dough?” SpongeBob tries to remember his hardest what ingredients Squidward told him to put inside the batter yesterday.</p><p>“Couldn’t there be a certain secret formula you used?” Plankton tries to persuade him, convinced that he <em>must </em>have used Mr. Krabs’ recipe because SpongeBob can hardly ever be seen making something else than Krabby Patties.</p><p>“I’ll have to ask Squidward. Squiiiiiidwaaaaaaard!”</p><p>“Never mind!” Plankton puts his tiny hand on SpongeBobs lips and climbs back down. “Just give me a slice” he adds downheartedly.</p><p>SpongeBob cuts a slice that is for sure five times bigger than his green friend, puts it on a plate and places it on the table. “Here you go Plankton, enjoy.”</p><p>A muffled muttering seems to be the only response.</p><p>“Plankton? Plaaaankton?” SpongeBob looks around the room to see where the tiny creature went.</p><p>Suddenly the plate moves around a little and Planktons antenna appear from under the edge. He grumbles something and crawls from under the heavy stonework.</p><p>“Oh, there you are Plankton! You forgot your cake!” SpongeBob picks it up and hands it to Plankton, who immediately gets crushed under the weight again. “Who’s next?”</p><p>“Hiya SpongeBob. That cake looks better than a bronc-riding clown at a rodeo!”</p><p> </p><p>SpongeBob is sitting on Squidwards lap opening the presents he got. Squidward doesn’t mind that much, it makes the sponge happy and after all whoever opens it; a present is a present. When all of his presents are opened the two are covered in strings and paper. “We still have to sing for you, Squiddy.”  </p><p>Squidward hums: “Oh, you don’t have to.”</p><p>“Yes, we do.” SpongeBob gives him a quick peck on his nose before blending himself in with the crowd. He waves his arms around like an orchestra conductor and takes a deep breath: “HappybirthdaytoyouhappybirthdaytoyouhappybirthdaydearSquidwardhappybirthdaytoyou.” The whole song comes out in one breath, SpongeBobs cheery voice overpowering all of the other attendees. When it’s finished the room has grown incredibly silent, almost TOO silent… like something is up, like they are… waiting for something…</p><p>And then, just as SpongeBobs glued-on smile starts to disappear a little, smooth jazzy clarinet tunes fill Squidwards home.</p><p>Squidwards eyes lighten up and for the second time today his jaw drops. He recognizes these tones by heart. <em>But it can’t be, it can’t… Can it be? </em></p><p>A blueish cephalopod enters the room, his long brown hair just below his shoulders and his clarinet under his slightly darker brown moustache.</p><p>“Kelpy G…” is the only thing he can bring out before dropping to his knees.</p><p>SpongeBob is fast to rush to the scene. “A-are you okay, Squiddy?”</p><p>Squidward is stammering: “I…I…I… yes… yes. I… I just d…didn’t expect it.”</p><p>SpongeBob grabs his tentacle to pull him up on his unsteady feet again. “Happy birthday, honey.”</p><p>The octopus recovers himself quickly from his embarrassing fall and runs upstairs to grab his own clarinet. Playing together with his idol has been something he always wished would happen. He had tried to multiple times, but SpongeBob had mostly spoiled it with his stupid ukulele. Today, it was <em>his</em> time to shine. He grabs his clarinet and runs down the stairs taking three steps at a time. Kelpy G is still playing when Squidward stands by his side. He brings his clarinet to his lips and closes his eyes.</p><p>All guests prepare to put their hands over their ears, but something unexpected happens; Squidward actually seems to play the clarinet… nicely.</p><p>SpongeBob is the one most affected by this and tears are forming in his eyes. He knows that Squidward is one of the best clarinet players in the seven seas, but he only seems to be able to do it when he is confident and fully believes in himself… and maybe not being distracted by his or Patrick’s screaming helps too. SpongeBob enjoys the music so much that he has to contain himself from picking up his ukulele and joining them. He knows how much Squidward dislikes it and he doesn’t want to spoil his birthday for him. He grabs Patrick’s hand tightly, hoping that his pink friend’s grip will stop him from running out the door, grabbing his own instrument and joining.</p><p>Squidward and Kelpy’s song has ended and the crowd applauds them, SpongeBob wiping the happy tears out of his eyes before walking over to Squidward.</p><p>“Sponge, I don’t know what to say. I guess thank you is a start, but it doesn’t nearly describe what I want to tell you.”</p><p>SpongeBobs cheeks grow red: “Maybe a kiss is a good second.”</p><p>Squidward, who normally doesn’t like being all smoochy smoochy around others, picks up the sponge and kisses him passionately. Their tongues twist around each others fast paced and SpongeBob folds his arms around the octopus’ head, embracing the one he loves like no other. When they let go both of their faces are glowing and warm. Squidward puts SpongeBob back down and faces the floor, a little embarrassed that he let himself go like that in front of all his guests. No one appears to have taken that much notice and SpongeBob is already running around the room again, playing tag with Patrick.</p><p>Squidward turns to his idol standing awfully near him: “Kelpy G, I am your biggest fan! I play the clarinet too, you see?” He holds up his clarinet as if he hadn’t just played it together with him. “I want to ask you so much. What’s your favorite….” His voice disappears behind the walls as he takes Kelpy G with him to talk privately.</p><p> </p><p>That evening the couple is together in SpongeBobs pineapple home. They have just finished watching a new episode from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, much to Squidwards displeasure. There still are certain things that the sponge and octopus will never agree on, and which TV-shows to enjoy and watch is one of them. But after all SpongeBob has done for him today Squidward was hesitant to say no to watching this one show.</p><p>“Want to go to bed now, Sponge?”</p><p>SpongeBob is already resting his body against Squidwards. It has been a long day for the both of them. SpongeBob nods, but doesn’t move otherwise. Squidward picks him up and takes him up the stairs. He lays the yellow creature down on his bed and kisses the edges of his pores, expressing his thanks for today in-between each one: “I. Love. You. Sponge. It. Was. The. Most. Beautiful. Present.”</p><p>SpongeBob shudders and is suddenly wide awake: “I want to give you one more, Squiddy.”</p><p>“What’s that?” Although Squidward is totally in the mood, he doesn’t want to throw conclusions too quickly this time after the disappointment from this morning.</p><p>SpongeBob fiddles his fingers and sits up straight, looking very serious all of a sudden. “I… uh… I want to give <em>you</em> something. Because, you know, you are always giving me… it… and now I want to give something to you” he says extremely bashful and cheeks as red as Larry the lobster.</p><p>Squidward can feel his own face reddening and lays down next to the sponge. “Are you sure?”</p><p>SpongeBob nods barely noticeable and turns over so he is now hoovering over Squidwards body.</p><p>“I don’t know how to do this, Squiddy” he says, nervously stroking Squidwards tentacles.</p><p>Even though the two had been seeing each other for four months now SpongeBob had always been too nervous to touch Squidward. But today, it being a special day, he decided he would try.</p><p>Squidward shivers at the little hands stroking his sensitive tentacles: “I’ll talk you through it. Just keep going.” His breathing quickens and his heart starts racing. He feels himself getting more excited by the second. He opens his legs up and guides SpongeBobs hand towards his siphon. “Just put it in the—e—ere!” he calls out when SpongeBob is quicker than he thought and already did what he tried to ask him. The feeling of the little yellow fingers inside him is such a pleasant feeling that he lets out a loud moan, filled with ecstasy.</p><p>SpongeBob knows he must be doing <em>something</em> right and pushes his hand in a little deeper. He is still nervous because he doesn’t want to hurt Squidward and he wants to give him the best treatment he can. He bites his lip concentrating on this thought and moves his fingers in different ways to let Squidward call out his name louder and louder.</p><p>“Sponge… Sponge! SPONGE!”</p><p>SpongeBob feels himself get excited too and moves his hand up and down in the rhythm his fast breathing is going.</p><p>All of a sudden Squidward turns him over so they are facing each other and kisses his soft lips, his skin and his pores all the way down towards his oscula. He lets his tongue go around the rim, knowing that this is something that could get SpongeBob in the mood quickly; it being his most sensitive of pores. Now it is SpongeBobs turn to call out. Squidward can’t contain himself any longer, pulls out his mating arm and shoves it inside. Both are calling out in pure delight as he goes in and out with increasing pumps.</p><p>They reach their high points at almost the same time, calling out each other’s names loudly and flooding semen all over SpongeBobs bed. It sure is a wonder Patrick has never caught them with all their screams and oh’s and ah’s. But maybe he is just too dumb to realize what is going on. <em>Although I could never tell SpongeBob that…</em></p><p>Squidward retrieves his mating arm and lies down next to the sweaty, red-cheeked sponge. “Thank you for that.”</p><p>“I hardly did anything” SpongeBob says miserably, convinced that surely Squidward once again had done all the work.</p><p>“SpongeBob, if what you did just there was nothing, I can’t wait to know what <em>something</em> feels like.” He gives him a quick peck on his head and strokes his hand with the tip of his tentacle. “You were wonderful.”</p><p>“I just don’t know, Squiddy… You never feel that <em>yo</em>u are doing all the work instead of me?” SpongeBobs lip starts to quiver even though he had promised himself not to cry on Squidwards birthday. But he still feels that he needs to address this, because he had been walking around feeling self-conscious about it for almost as long as they had started seeing each other.</p><p>“Let me read you a story” Squidward sighs, not wanting to talk about this at the moment.</p><p>Reading SpongeBob a story before going to sleep had become something he did almost every night. SpongeBob loves listening to his voice and Squidward, although he would never admit it, really enjoys the way SpongeBob snuggles up under the covers with only his eyes peeking out, watching his every move and being fully engaged in the story. “This story is called Happy Barnacle goes to Grandma.”</p><p> </p><p>Squidward closes the book and glances at the sleeping Sponge beside him. His cheeks have gone back to their normal color, but his entire face still has that sweaty look to it. Squidward strokes the side of it gently, careful to not wake SpongeBob up again. After looking at his slow breathing for a while he lies back down on his own pillow. He folds his tentacles under his head and stares at the dark ceiling above him. Because honestly it is true what SpongeBob just said; Squidward does sometimes feel like <em>he</em> is the one doing all the work, and he wishes that the yellow creature would treat <em>him</em> more often. At the same time he tries to respect his inexperience and the fact that SpongeBob has always been a little scared to touch him. He wishes he could tell him that it is okay, that nobody could hurt him like Squilliam did. <em>Well, tonight was a good start. And I love this little sponge of mine, truly I do. </em>He convinces himself of that once more before pulling the covers up to his nose and huddling closer to the warm body lying next to him, wrapping his tentacles around it. </p><p> </p><p>The next day they both have to work at the Krusty Krab. The day so far has been filled with nothing much exciting; baking patties, frying Kelp Fries, annoying costumers and the occasional kiss or two during break time.</p><p>But just as Squidward is resting his head against the wall taking a quick nap during his shift, and SpongeBob walks out to deliver an order, a white limousine stops in front of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob looks at it confused for a second until he sees the four blueish tentacles setting foot on the ground, followed by a face everybody recognizes within a second. “Squilliam!” he calls out. He quickly puts his hand over his mouth. He can’t let Squilliam see Squidward, or Squidward see Squilliam, or--- he just has to stop this! He puts the plate on the table for the waiting customer and runs towards Squidward. He throws a sack that contained sea taters over his head and runs back towards the door to open it for Squilliam. “H—hello Squilliam. What can I do for you?”</p><p>“I just want to talk to Squiddo.”</p><p>SpongeBob takes a quick glance behind him to see if the brownish sack is still covering the sleeping octopus. It has slipped to the side a little, revealing a bit of Squidwards skin. SpongeBob steps to the right to try and shield it from him. “Well, he’s not here. Bye Squilliam.”</p><p>“I know he is; I can see him right there.”</p><p>SpongeBob turns around and to his surprise Squidward is now exposed to everyone, a string of drool hanging from the side of his mouth. “You can’t talk to him, Squilliam, you can’t!”</p><p>Squilliam takes a few steps towards the register. “Of course I can.”</p><p>SpongeBob tries to stop him by grabbing his tentacles, but Squilliam is just dragging him along with him. “Good morning Squiddo.” He taps the top of his head slightly.</p><p>Squidward awakes slowly and wipes away the drool. “Whatsa… what…” As soon as his eyes focus on the person standing in front of him he jumps up. “Squilliam! I—uh.”</p><p>Squilliam bends down to remove the sponge’s fingers from his tentacles and looks back up at his college ‘friend’. “I need to talk to you tomorrow. Alone.”</p><p>“I—uh” is still the only thing Squidward can bring out. SpongeBob stands up and looks up at Squilliam, but something seems to have changed since he tried to stop him earlier. “Okay. He’ll be there.”</p><p>Squilliam turns around to walk out the door again but before he closes it he looks back at Squidward and teasingly blows a kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow, dearest Squiddo.”</p><p>The limousine drives off and Squidward is only now able to speak normal sentences again: “Why did you say I would be there! Are you insane?!”</p><p>SpongeBob looks down at his feet. “I think it might be good for you to talk to him, Squiddy.”</p><p>“And why do you think that?” Squidward is surely annoyed that SpongeBob has agreed for him to be there. If there is one thing he doesn’t want it’s talking to Squilliam. He has closed that chapter a long time ago and he can’t stand to see that face EVER again. He hasn’t declared him his archnemesis for nothing!</p><p>“Maybe it’s good to face him and leave all your bad… memories behind. Once and for all.”</p><p>Squidward simply can’t stay angry at the sponge for long. <em>He is just trying his best, Squidward. He wouldn’t know that you’re terrified to see Squilliam again… Alone.</em></p><p>“Well, okay, I guess I can go. I don’t even know what he wants to talk about” he tries to say in his most steady voice.</p><p>SpongeBob gives him a quick peck before going back to the kitchen. “I’m glad, Squiddy. It won’t be bad, I promise.”</p><p>“No, it won’t” Squidward says, a fake laugh printed on his face. <em>It won’t be bad, Squidward, it won’t be bad. What is in the past is in the past, he won’t hurt you. You’ve got SpongeBob, and if he says it’s going to be fine it will be. It will be, it will be, it will be.</em> Squidward nervously bites his tentacle reassuring himself. But somehow it just doesn’t seem to work… at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dear Neptune! It happened again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I feel so bad for Squidward writing these things, confusing him. But I also just secretly really enjoy the interaction between him and Squilliam. Also, I am very aware that Squilliam calls Squidward 'Squiddy' in the series, but somehow 'Squiddo' just seems right in my mind. Plus the fact that I also wanted him to say something different than SpongeBob. Oh, and I don't have the slightest idea of how composing works so excuse my -probably very bad- interpretation of writing something.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Squiddy, I made you breakfast!” SpongeBobs cheery voice wakes Squidward up. He yawns and stretches his tentacles up in the air, wondering where SpongeBob gets the unlimited amount of energy from he himself so much lacks. He slips inside his bathrobe and walks down the stairs. He is greeted by the sponge, who pulls him inside to reveal everything he prepared. The entire table is covered with different dishes and drinks, and to top it all off SpongeBob has put on the blue knitted sweater Squidward enjoys the soft feeling of so much.</p><p>“You’re just trying to make me feel better, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Well… I just want you to be happy, honey” SpongeBob admits.</p><p>Squidward sits down at the table and looks up at the sponge still standing beside him. “I don’t <em>have</em> to go, you know. We can enjoy a nice, long breakfast together and maybe go upstairs later.” His stomach flutters just thinking about it.</p><p>SpongeBob ignores this, convinced that surely meeting Squilliam again will be for the better and will help Squidward process his trauma. “I found this in your closet, why don’t you ever wear it?” He holds up a pair of light-blue overalls.</p><p>Squidward gulps looking at them. <em>He hasn’t worn those since college… since Squilliam… </em>“No. I won’t wear them. I should have thrown them out a long time ago.”</p><p>“Pleeaaaase Squiddy, pretty please? I bet they look really, really good on you.”</p><p>Squidward hesitates for a second. He wants to please SpongeBob more than anything but wearing these just seems… wrong. “I’ll try them, okay. But I’m sure they don’t fit anymore.”</p><p>“Try it with this sweater! I got it from my closet so it will be a little big on you, but I think it goes well together.” He hands Squidward a salmon colored dotted sweater with the same soft fabric from the dark blue one he is wearing himself.</p><p>Squidward grumbles while putting the two pieces on but whilst buckling his overalls he sees SpongeBob looking at him with wide open, admiring eyes. “You are so handsome, honey!” The sponge leans forward to kiss him.</p><p>“Really?” Squidwards answers, a little uncomfortable in this outfit. He has hardly worn anything else than his brown shirt for years. A shame actually, because when he was younger he quite enjoyed coming up with different outfits to wear.</p><p>“You’re a hunk. I promise you.”</p><p>“Well, we already knew that of course” Squidward laughs. “Now, let’s eat before this all goes cold.”</p><p> </p><p>Squidwards heart is beating so fast that he worries it is going to explode any second and leave nothing but some pieces of blueish skin on Squilliams doorstep. He swallows, knocks on the door and can’t help himself but looking up at the rest of the house towering above him.</p><p>A moment later Squilliams face shows up behind the door. “Ah, dearest Squiddo, thank you for coming. Let me walk you to the living room through my foyer.”</p><p>Squidward tries to not look at all the golden decorations and paintings as they walk across the long hallways towards the living room. He swears Squilliam is taking a longer route just to show off everything he has got.</p><p>“And here we are, take a seat. Did I tell you how much I adore your outfit? Did that boyfriend of yours pick out that <em>lovely</em> sweater? And those overalls, don’t they seem familiar?”</p><p>“No, no, they don’t” Squidward hastily answers him, taking a seat on the fancy gold and purple couch. <em>Oh, why does this feel so soft and comfortable. Must everything be perfect in his life? Even his couch?!</em></p><p>“Fancy some tea, dearest Squiddo?”</p><p>Squidward shakes his head. “Just tell me why I had to come here. And do it quick.”</p><p>Squilliam takes place next to him: “Why? Do you have to get back to that sponge of yours?” He laughs and places his tentacle on Squidwards’. His suction cups stick to Squidwards skin, making him shiver a little at this intimate gesture. “I----uh. Just tell me, Squilly--- Sq…Squilliam I mean” he stammers.</p><p>“If you insist,” Squilliam scooches even closer and now moves his tentacle up Squidwards legs. “I need your help.”</p><p>“You need my <em>help</em>? For what could that possibly be?”</p><p>“Have you composed anything lately?”</p><p>Squidwards mind takes him to the bottom drawer in his desk; the song he wrote for SpongeBob. “No, not really. What are you talking about?”</p><p>“I need you to compose something for me, dearest Squiddo.” He lets his suction cups explore Squidwards legs, biting his lip softly as he can feel the octopus enjoying his touch.</p><p>“You need WHAT?!”</p><p>“The band asked me to come up with a new song, they’ve been playing the same ones for too long now. And I said it’d do it.”</p><p>“Well, do it than. Good luck, Squilliam.” Squidward tries to stand up, but Squilliam pushes him back down.</p><p>“Nobody composes like you do, Squiddo… Did I tell you how handsome you look today?”</p><p>Squidward can feel his face starting to grow red. After all these years he still has a weak spot for compliments, or for Squilliam for that matter. “W...w….well thank you.”</p><p>“You will do it?”</p><p>“I would love for the Bikini Bottom Band to play my songs! Just think of all the people applauding me!” Squidward dreams away, imagining himself on the stage taking in all the applause from the big crowds that gather at these concerts. “I’ll do it.”</p><p>“Uh, but I can’t actually tell them that <em>you</em> wrote it. It has to be <em>my</em> composition, dearest Squiddo. You understand that, right?”</p><p>“WHAT?! No, Squilliam, I’m not doing it!”</p><p>“Wait, wait! Squiddo! Please, I can never show my face again if I don’t come up with something” Squilliam calls out, crying fake tears of misery.</p><p>“I’m not doing it! NEVER! Goodbye Squilliam!” Squidward angrily stands up from the couch and strides towards the door.</p><p>“Squiddo, stop, please! I love you, you handsome Squid.”</p><p>Squidward stops, his hand resting on the doorknob. Squilliam knows that there is nothing this octopus likes more than feeling special and loved, and he knows just the right buttons to push to get what he wants.</p><p>Squidward feels a warm tentacle grab his and pulling him closer. His body is now touching Squilliams and his breathing gets heavier despite, or maybe because of, the fact that he is very mad at him.</p><p>“Let me go, Squilliam!” he shouts, trying to retrieve himself from the strong grip he is held in. But somehow Squilliams tentacles are stronger than his and their bodies are forged together, embraced in silence and despair for a moment before Squilliam forces his mouth on Squidwards. Squidward moves around in his arms, trying to get out one way or the other. He doesn’t want this! Or….</p><p>Squilliam rotates his tongue around inside his mouth like a washing machine, whilst unbuckling Squidwards overalls. The denim falls on the floor with a noise that seems incredibly loud in the echoing, silent room. Before Squidward can resist any harder he is pulled on the couch and now hoovering over his rival’s body. Both are out of breath but Squilliam is still force-kissing him whilst now taking off his robe and throwing it across the room.</p><p>“Oh, dearest Squiddo, all these years and you never knew what it feels like to touch <em>my</em> glorious body.”</p><p>Squidward gulps: “I… I don’t want to Squilliam.”</p><p>“But I’m sure you do.” He grabs hold of Squidwards tentacle and puts it on top of the part in between his four lower tentacles.</p><p>“G…get away from me” Squidward stammers, trying to retrieve his tentacle.</p><p>“I just want to know what it feels like, don’t you?”</p><p>Squidwards mind races back and forth. In college, of course he had often thought about what it felt like to do what Squilliam did to him. Would he enjoy it as much as Squilliam did? Maybe it felt better to <em>do</em> it than to have it <em>done</em> to you? But now, he didn’t wonder what it felt like… or… did he? He had never— done it with another octopus.</p><p>“It for sure will feel better than what the sponge of you is able to do” Squilliam laughs.</p><p>Suddenly Squidwards mind is clear and he calls out in shock: “SpongeBob!”</p><p>But Squilliam isn’t planning on letting him leave just yet and forces Squidwards tentacle up his siphon, moaning a little at the deed.</p><p>Squidward tries to retrieve his tentacle with tears forming in his eyes, but the more he pulls back, the deeper Squilliam pushes him in.</p><p>And then suddenly a warm feeling flushes through Squidwards entire body while looking at him, aching to feel Squilliams love again. The octopus is lying on the couch, moving his body up and down in pleasure. Squidward pushes his tentacle in deeper and Squilliam lets out a loud moan, before grabbing the pillow firmly. Squidward bites his lip as the same feeling he had in college all those years ago is welling up inside him again. He hoovers over Squilliams face and kisses him on his soft lips. He moves around his tentacle and makes Squilliam call out his name in pleasure. <em>So this is what it would have felt like. It feels… it feels… </em></p><p>“Wonderful” he says panting, sweat forming on his forehead.</p><p>Squilliam bends over so he is now on top of Squidward and kisses his chest gently. “I knew you wanted to feel this again, dearest Squiddo. Now, let me treat you.” He opens up Squidwards legs and kisses the spot in between, making him shiver. He reveals his mating arm and shoves it inside, roughly moving it up and down the same way he did in college with his tentacle, only this time it doesn’t hurt Squidward as bad anymore.</p><p>He jerks his body with every movement Squilliam makes and lets out a soft moan before calling him by his old nickname. <em>I never knew it could be this good. I never knew I needed something so badly. It feels so different to what Spo— </em></p><p>“SpongeBob!” He immediately jumps up. The feeling of shame takes over the feeling of pleasure and while stumbling back inside his overalls he runs out of Squilliams house as quickly as he can. “What have I done?”</p><p>A boat pulls up next to him while he is running. It is Squilliam. <em>Of course it is</em>.</p><p>“You wouldn’t want me to tell this to your little spongey boyfriend, don’t you?”</p><p>“Go away, Squilliam!”</p><p>“If you don’t, I expect you at my house tomorrow, so we can practice.”</p><p>He drives away and leaves Squidward, now standing still in the middle of the road, torn between both sides. Sure, he doesn’t want Squilliam to tell SpongeBob, but neither does he want to go back there tomorrow. But if SpongeBob hears what he did, he will never look at him again. “I’ll go” he mumbles to himself. “But I’m not letting him use me EVER again!”</p><p> </p><p>Squidward opens up the door to his house and quickly closes it behind him to make sure nobody saw him coming in. He feels miserable and lets himself fall down onto the floor, leaning against the front door. “What did I do? What did I do?! Why do I keep hurting SpongeBob like that?” He wipes the forming tears out of his eyes and mans up. “I’ll write something for Squilliam, give it to him and never speak to him again. That’s it!”</p><p>He takes place behind his desk and grabs a few sheets of paper. He clears his throat, picks up a pencil and stares blankly at the lines on the white sheet. “First some tea. I can’t work while I’m thirsty.”</p><p>A moment later he sits back down and takes a sip from his decorated porcelain cup. He looks down at the empty lines on the paper. “I might have more inspiration after I’ve eaten something.”</p><p>He walks towards his kitchen and takes a few biscuits from the cabinet. Nibbling on one he looks at the paper again. He is still thinking when his biscuits are long gone. “I for sure can’t work when the place is <em>this</em> messy.” His eyes glance around the perfectly cleaned room, apart from his keys still laying besides the front door. “I will <em>have</em> to vacuum first.”</p><p>A few hours and chores later he forces himself to take place on the chair again, but still nothing comes to mind staring at the papers. “Maybe I can just use the composition I wrote earlier.” He grabs the key from the top drawer, opens up the bottom one and reads the musical notes it contains. “No, but I wrote this for SpongeBob. He should hear it first.” He puts it back inside the drawer but changes his mind quickly thereafter. “But it would be so much easier to use this.” He picks it up. “No, no, NO, I can’t do it!” He firmly places them inside, locks the drawer and hides the key on top of his kitchen cabinets.</p><p>He takes a deep breath before sitting back down. “Okay, maybe I can do something in D-minor. Yes, that could be good.”</p><p> </p><p>Squidward is startled by a whistling coming closer towards his home. He peers out the window to reveal SpongeBob coming home from work. <em>Is it that late already?</em></p><p>The clock gives him the answer that in fact, it is. He sits back down and looks at the now filled sheets of paper in front of him. Once he got started it actually wasn’t that hard, and it felt as if he had been doing nothing but writing music for all these years. “Almost finished. Just this last bit.” He bites his tongue concentrating. Somehow he wants it to be perfect for Squilliam. Perfect so he never has to see him again. Or perfect so he <em>will</em> have to… No, certainly not that!</p><p>He hums the last part that still needs to be written down and works hard on drawing the notes as precise as he can.</p><p>“Yes! Finished!” he calls out, very pleased with himself. He takes a long look at everything he has accomplished, only to be awoken from this daze by some loud noises coming from the house next door. “Oh no, I promised I would eat at SpongeBobs today!”</p><p>He hides the composition in the upper drawer and walks over to the sponge’s house.</p><p>Luckily SpongeBob always leaves the door unlocked; quite stupid… but convenient.</p><p>“So how did things at Squilliams go?” SpongeBob calls from the kitchen as Squidward walks in.</p><p>“Uh… It was fine.” Squidward suddenly feels a little sick remembering this morning and enters the kitchen as calmly as he can.</p><p>“Phew, I’m glad! I thought you were going to call me naïve again for sure” SpongeBob giggles, wiping his greasy hands on the apron he is wearing. “I’m making us some Swedish Barnacle Balls for dinner.”</p><p>Squidward walks past and gives him a quick peck, hoping to be done with the topic. He rests his tentacles on SpongeBobs head and looks at his hands preparing the food.</p><p>“So, what did you two talk about?”</p><p>Squidward can feel droplets of sweat forming on his head. “Oh, uh, nothing really… The Barnacle Balls you’re making sure look delicious.”</p><p>“Thank you, Squiddy. But you sorted things out with him?”</p><p>“Well… yes. Kind of.”</p><p>“So why did he want to talk to you?”</p><p>“NOTHING, SPONGEBOB!” Squidward beams and leaves the room, certainly not ready to talk about this with SpongeBob at the moment… or ever.</p><p>“I’m sorry, honey. You don’t have to tell me. Please come back.” SpongeBobs calling follows Squidward inside the living room.</p><p>Squidward lies down on the sponge’s green and blue couch and closes his eyes. “I am just tired I guess.”</p><p>SpongeBob enters the room behind him with two plates in his hands. “It’s okay, I won’t mention it again. Do you want to watch the television?”</p><p>Squidward sits up straight to make a little room for his partner and takes one of the plates from him. Slowly he takes a bite. He isn’t hungry at all; he is feeling quite nauseous actually. “Whatever.”</p><p>“Are you sure you are okay?” SpongeBob worriedly puts his hand on Squidwards knee.</p><p>“Y—yes I’m f—fine” Squidward stutters as SpongeBob now climbs on top of him trying to put his lips on his.</p><p>“Are you sure?” SpongeBob plants kisses all over Squidwards head. “I can make you feel better, you know?” he adds, more persuasively. He lets his fingers move across Squidwards body.</p><p>Squidward pushes the sponge away, tired and not in the mood: “Get off me.”</p><p>SpongeBob crawls back down and takes his place next to his partner. It is the first time Squidward denied his advances, and he is feeling a little down. He picks up his plate from the floor and silently takes a bite. “Okay, Squiddy” his sad voice sounds across the room.</p><p> </p><p>That night Squidward can’t sleep. His mind is racing back and forth and he simply can’t keep still. He loves SpongeBob, sure he does. But Squilliam, he’s… confusing him to say the least. He has been staring at the ceiling, listening to the sponge’s regular breathing for a couple hours now. <em>I will give the composition to Squilliam tomorrow and never think about him again. That is what I will do, and nothing else! I love SpongeBob, and SpongeBob only. Squilliam is just… is just…</em></p><p>Suddenly he feels something between his lower tentacles pulsating with every breath he takes.<em> I’m not.. NO, I’M NOT! But I want to… I need to!</em> He wraps his arms around a sleeping SpongeBob and tries to force these thoughts out of his head. <em>I’m not… I don’t want to… NO! NO! NO! I can’t still have feelings for Squilliam, I can’t!</em></p><p>Quickly he gets up from bed, waking SpongeBob up as he storms down the stairs. He doesn’t even notice it; he has already walked out of the pineapple and towards his own home. Hurriedly he stomps on one of the floorboards making a piece of wood stand upright. He reaches under it and picks up a package of cigarettes. He lights it and takes a pull. The smokes swirls around his head and he can already feel himself coming back to his senses.</p><p>“I thought you stopped doing that!” SpongeBobs shocked voice startles him.</p><p>“W—well yes. No. Yes. No. I need it now, okay?”</p><p>“Why are you nervous?” SpongeBob asks, remembering what Squidward had told him all these months ago.</p><p>“It’s nothing. Go back to bed, Sponge, and I will be right there with you.”</p><p>SpongeBob can’t remove the worried look from his face but does as Squidward tells him to. “Okay. I love you, Squiddy.”</p><p>“I love you too. I love you a lot! I love you MORE than you can imagine! I love you the most in the entire universe! I have always loved you… a lot! I love you, Sponge. I really do.” Squidwards mouth floods with all these words of pure confusion and mixed emotions.</p><p>SpongeBob looks at him even more worried but is glad that the octopus is still in love with him, even in this… weird… sort of way. He closes the door behind him and leaves Squidward alone with his smoke and thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Squidward pulls his regular brown shirt over his head and tiptoes past the sleeping Sponge. It is quite early and he doesn’t want to wake him. He shouldn’t know where he is heading. His stomach flutters just thinking about it. He rolls up the papers containing the composition and puts them inside his shirt. He simply needs to see Squilliam again, at this moment; NOW. He has been thinking about it the entire night. Maybe if he just goes over there one more time he can say goodbye to these mixed feelings he is having right now, because surely Squilliam will hurt him again sooner or later. He just has to see him, kiss him one more time and… <em>Oh who am I kidding! I want him; I want him more than the water I’m breathing! </em></p><p>Warily he opens the door careful not to wake SpongeBob up, puts on his helmet and cycles towards Squilliams house. Bikini Bottom is silent and still asleep. It would have been very beautiful if his mind wasn’t so preoccupied. Before he knows it he has reached Squilliams house and knocks on the door. <em>Hopefully Squilliam is awake. Please let him be awake.</em></p><p>The door opens. “Squiddo! I wasn’t excepting you this early. Come in, please.”</p><p>Squidward takes one step inside. Squilliam closes the door. And then… he gives in to his feelings.</p><p>He pins Squilliam against the wall, kissing him roughly and moving his tentacles up his robe. He doesn’t care what Squilliam thinks or if anyone is watching him; at this moment all he wants is Squilliam, and his mouth on his. He unties Squilliams robe and lets his sensitive tentacles explore the bare skin it reveals.</p><p>Squilliam retrieves himself from Squidwards kiss: “Let’s take this upstairs, okay, Squiddo of mine?”</p><p>But Squidward feels as though the world depends on doing this right here, right now and holds Squilliams face between his tentacles, looking deeply into his beautiful eyes. He tries to form words, tries to tell him that he still loves him, but the only sound that comes out is a soft breathing. Squilliam is loving every second of it, he got what he needs just by telling Squidward a few simple lies; manipulating this octopus to do what <em>he </em>wants is the easiest thing in the entire ocean. Just tell him that he is handsome, that you love him, spend some time together… and he’s putty in your tentacles!</p><p>Squidward can’t control his feelings any longer and pushes Squilliam down on the cold marble floor. His breathing is heavy and his heart is beating in his chest when he kisses Squilliams skin all the way down to his siphon. Squilliam arches his back in delight when he enters it. Squidward is panting, quickly moving his tentacle inside and out again.</p><p>“Oh yes, Squiddo! Oh, oh, don’t! DON’T!”</p><p>Squidward pulls back and kneels to kiss Squilliam on his sweaty forehead. He takes Squilliams mating arm and starts massaging it, gently rubbing the skin back and forth. It is sending Squilliam over the edge and before the two know what’s going on Squidwards entire lap is covered in sticky octopus-fluids. He never knew there could be so much of it, and neither did his companion.</p><p>Tired they lay down next to each other, Squilliam resting his head on Squidwards chest listening to his fast-paced breathing. “Did you finish that composition?”</p><p>“Hmmm… not now.” Squidward moans, just wanting to rest on the floor with his arms around the cephalopod for a while.</p><p>“Come on, Squiddo. I can’t wait to see it.”</p><p>“Alright, alright.” He stands up and ties Squilliams robe around his sticky, sweaty body.</p><p>“Hey! Don’t you dare get that dirty, it’s mine!” Squilliam calls out, trying to get his piece of clothing back before it is ruined forever.</p><p>But Squidward just giggles and ties it together even tighter: “Try and take it off me than!” He runs through the hallway towards the elevator, pushing the button for the roof as quickly as he can. But Squilliam has caught up with him and enters before the doors close on him. “You can’t get rid of me that easily!”</p><p>They laugh, shyly glance at one another and sit down on the wooden bench. Soon water flows from the sides of the elevator and Squilliam grabs a bottle of soap. “Good thing I installed that whirlpool! Here, let me wash you up.” He squirts some soap on his tentacles and gently rubs Squidwards body, who shudders as he touches him.</p><p>“You know, maybe I can stay a little longer. We could practice together, Squilly.” He waves around the sheets of paper safely above the water.</p><p>Squilliam quickly grabs them from him and smirks: “Sure Squiddo. Whatever you want, what-eeever you want.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Living a nightmare, a dream, and another nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I only just discovered that I have been writing College everywhere and it should have said High School… why am I so stupid? Oh well, I’m just going to go with it now because otherwise I have to change two entire stories. But wow I feel bad, because I know very well that the two octopuses went to High School together and not College…</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Squidward is draped upon the couch, an empty bottle hanging onto the floor. He had been fine at first; he had come home feeling wonderful, had placed the composition on his table to make the changes Squilliam suggested, and only then it had hit him. He had done something so terrible there aren’t any words to describe it. He had cried and cried and cried thinking about how he betrayed SpongeBob in such un ugly matter. This once Squilliam wasn’t the one ruining things, <em>he</em> was. He had inked himself because of this and had cried uncontrollably at that fact. The only thing at that moment he knew would make things better had been inside the rightest cupboard; lots and lots of strong booze.</p><p>Now he has been lying there almost passed out for the entire day, eyes tightly shut but a strong frown glued on his face. He doesn’t want to think about anything at the moment, and the alcohol achieved just that.</p><p>A calling makes him open his eyes a little. It is coming nearer, closer with each breath he takes. It’s so close it is giving him a headache just hearing the cheery voice. “Squidward, are you home? I saw the lights burning and I hadn’t seen you all day and I thought I would--- SQUIDWARD!”</p><p>The yellow creature is now standing in front of him, seemingly shocked at the fact that Squidward has drunk this much, or the fact that he drank at all. “Squiddy, honey, are you okay?”</p><p>“Leave me alone, SpongeBob. Go home.” The sight of SpongeBob is too much to bear, it is making him want to throw up at everything terrible he did.</p><p>“Nonsense Squiddy,” SpongeBob pouts, “I’ll get you cleaned up and in bed. It will be fine, honey. I promise.”</p><p>Squidward, too tired and dreary to argue, lets SpongeBob carry him upstairs. The Sponge is panting taking the steps with the heavy, lifeless octopus in his arms but manages to put him on top of his bed. He walks towards the bathroom and puts some soap on a washcloth. Squidward has closed his eyes again, feeling warm and comfortable in his own bed. He is listening to the running water, focusing on it with all his strength, trying not to hear the soft sobbing from the sponge next to it.</p><p>SpongeBob enters the room having sucked up his tears. Gently he washes the dried-up tears from Squidwards face. He can feel the octopus tensing up at him touching his skin. “Try and relax, Squiddy.”</p><p>Squidward chin starts to quiver. He is feeling worse by the second, and he knows he should be! How could he ever have done such a thing?</p><p>SpongeBob sits down next to him and puts the sheets over Squidwards body. “Go to sleep, honey. It will all be fine in the morning.” He kisses him softly, strokes the side of his head and continues to talk sweet words to him until his partner has finally relaxed and fallen asleep.</p><p>Warily he walks down the stairs, careful not to make a noise and wake Squidward up again. Only when he closes the door to the living room behind him he lets his own tears go. The sight of all the empty bottles surrounding the couch is too much for him. He doesn’t get why Squidward has started drinking and smoking again. He was fine and never touched it since they got together. What has changed? Did he not love him anymore?</p><p>With shaking hands SpongeBob starts cleaning Squidwards room, putting all the empty bottles away in a garbage bag and out of sight from both him and Squidward. He doesn’t want him to be reminded of this when he goes downstairs the next morning.</p><p>When he walks towards the kitchen to throw out the trash his eye rests on something lying on the table. He puts the garbage bag down and picks up the sheets of paper. “Squiddy is composing? I didn’t know he did that!” A note next to some of the lines grabs his attention: “Change this part. I need more drama. S.F.” A confused look falls upon his face. “Who is S.F? Sandy? No, she doesn’t have an F in her name. Maybe that shrimp that comes to the Krusty Kr--- No, Squidward doesn’t even like him. Who else starts with…..” <em>Squilliam.</em> SpongeBob is pacing around the room thinking about this, mumbling to himself. “Squiddy is writing something for Squilliam? Why did he never tell me? So he did make up with him, that’s wonderful! But than… why has he been so sad since he went to see him? Something is wrong, and I’ll ask him tomorrow.” SpongeBob puts the composition in his pocket, picks up the trash bag and walks out the door.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Ooohh Squidward! Squiiidwaaaard!”</p><p>Squidward opens his eyes. “Squilliam! What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Can’t I visit the most handsome octopus in the seven seas?” Squilliam kisses the only partially awake Squidward on his forehead.</p><p>Squidward giggles and his face is glowing red, feeling shy at the most popular octopus in college, and the octopus he has had a crush on for a long time, visiting him. “I should say so,” he says in his fanciest voice, “to what do I owe this honor?”</p><p>“Hmmm… to love” Squilliam moans as he huddles besides the octopus, wrapping the sheets around them both.</p><p>“I…I never k…knew you loved m…me” Squidward stammers, feeling the unfamiliar warmth of a body next to his. It is something that has never happened before. He never even knew he could want to feel something like this. He never even knew he <em>would </em>feel something like this. Not with him, nor anyone to be honest.</p><p>“Of course I do. You’re just darling, Squiddo.”</p><p>“S…Squiddo?” Squidward laughs a little at this silly nickname.</p><p>“Oh, shut your mouth and kiss me.” Squilliam grabs hold of Squidwards face and pushes it against his. Squidward is startled, almost unable to breath, as Squilliam lets his tongue explore his mouth while his suction cups stick to his neck, probably leaving a mark.</p><p>Squilliam lets go and looks at Squidward, who is staring back at him with wide open eyes. “Don’t be such a baby! You’ve never kissed anyone before? Ha!”</p><p>“N…no, I…I haven’t” Squidward looks downcast.</p><p>“I’ll teach you. Here, we’ll do it again, dearest Squiddo.” He places his mouth on Squidward’s again and brushes through his long blonde hair. “Hmmpff, that’s better” he says as they let go of each other. “Now, I want to do something even better.” He crawls on top of him and takes off Squidwards pajama shirt. Squidward is shaking, it is all going too fast for him. He is scared; he doesn’t want this!</p><p>Squilliam is kissing him with increasing eagerness while stroking his bare skin.</p><p>Squidward wants to say something, wants to tell him to stop, but his voice isn’t working anymore, he just lies there as Squilliam does his business; quiet and scared. </p><p>Squilliams stroking has now come close to a sensitive spot in-between Squidwards lower tentacles. As Squilliam goes nearer Squidward jumps up: “No, Squilliam. Don’t do that!” He is standing beside his bed, wrapping the sheets around his body to protect himself.</p><p>Squilliam, not expecting to be resisted like that, is at a loss of words for a second.</p><p>“I… I am scared, Squilliam.”</p><p>“But I <em>love</em> you, Squiddo. You shouldn’t be scared.” He stands up and takes the shaking octopus back to bed, sitting beside him with his arms wrapped around his body. “Kiss me.”</p><p>Squidward does as he says, afraid, but at the same time feeling somewhat appreciated. He had never known love before. Nobody has ever loved him before. Not a single soul. He has always been the loser in the back of the class; the one nobody wanted to be seen with. And now, here is the most popular student saying that he loves him.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Squiddo” Squilliam says in-between kisses. He places his tentacles on Squidwards knees, making him shiver.</p><p>“I….I love you, Squillia--- Squilly.”</p><p>“Hmmm, Squilly… I like that. It will be our little secret, okay?”</p><p>Squidward doesn’t understand why, but nods. As long as anyone loves him it is fine.</p><p>Squilliam kisses him again and traces the rim of Squidwards siphon. Squidward tries to push him away, still not ready to be this intimate this quickly.</p><p>“Don’t be such a baby, dearest Squiddo. Don’t be a baby and let me do this. I love you; you remember that, right?” Squilliam smirks.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Squilliam!” Squidward wakes up in a panic. When he realizes he has had a flashback to the first time Squilliam came to see him he lets his face rest in the palms, feeling depressed. <em>He never loved you; why can’t you see that, Squiddy?</em></p><p>“I wanted him to love me,” he cries out, “I wanted him to love me so bad.”</p><p><em>And now you have someone that loves you and you’ve ruined it… RUINED IT! </em>He can feel the tears burning in his eyes and tries to swallow them away. He isn’t going to spend another day crying. He needs to get up and tell everything to SpongeBob… He tries to get his body to move but his tired tentacles are telling him to stay in bed for a little longer. “A few seconds won’t hurt.”</p><p>But of course staying in bed for just a little longer never works out, and a few seconds turn into a few minutes turning into a few hours.</p><p>The octopus is awoken by the same sweet words he fell asleep to: “Squiddy? Are you feeling better?”</p><p>He mumbles something unintelligible with the sleep in his eyes and a dry throat. SpongeBob helps him to sit up straight. They look at each other without saying a word, both having a million things to say on their mind but not knowing how to start. Eventually the yellow creature is the first to break the silence: “I didn’t know you are composing something.” He holds up the all too familiar pieces of paper that have caused Squidward so much pain and confusion these past couple of days.</p><p>Squidward gulps: “Uh, yeah, I…I did compose a little something.”</p><p>“For Squilliam?” SpongeBob points at the fancy handwritten note.</p><p>Squidward wants to hit his face against the wall, or something even harder than a wall. How could he have forgotten about that note? How could he have forgotten to store away the composition? Did he not expect SpongeBob to find it? Did he think he was too stupid to figure out who’s initials S.F. are?</p><p>“Is that why you are feeling so sad all the time? Why you started drinking and smoking? Did he force you again to do something you don’t want to do?”</p><p><em>Tell him the truth, Squidward. He has already laid it out for you. Tell him.</em> But somehow the words coming out of his mouth are something completely opposite to the truth. “No, SpongeBob. The other day I ran into an old friend from college, uh… uh… Sammy….uh… Fishfingers. He is a very talented pianoplayer and wanted me to write something for his next performance.”</p><p>The urge to hit his face against the wall has grown even more now. <em>Why am I going around telling lies like this? </em>But the truth is something that will drive SpongeBob away from him. And he doesn’t want that; he loves SpongeBob. He wants to see him smile, wants to hear his cute giggles and kiss his red cheeks, wants to hug him tightly, to embrace him and never let him go again.</p><p>“I never heard about a Sammy Fishfingers before,” SpongeBob questions him, “but I guess I can’t know <em>every</em> fish in the sea. Do you remember What Zit Tooya, Squiddy?” There is that cute giggle again, making Squidward feel warm inside.</p><p>“I could never forget that. Mr. Krabs still owes me a vacation!”</p><p>Squidwards warm feeling doesn’t last all that long. “Can I hear Sammy play this when you have finished it?” the sponge asks him.</p><p>Squidward grabs the composition from his yellow fingers: “It’s not finished yet. Not for a long time anyway.”</p><p>“I know, honey, but <em>when </em>it’s finished I really, really want to hear it. Can I please?”</p><p>“W…well, I’ll see about it. Sammy doesn’t uh… like others watching him.”</p><p>“I thought you said he was a famous player, does he play to empty chairs?” SpongeBob laughs.</p><p>“I… I mean… he doesn’t like… isn’t too fond of… sponges.”</p><p>“Who wouldn’t like a sponge?” SpongeBob jumps up and down Squidwards bed. “I mean we aren’t no octopuses, but we are likeable! Very, very, very, very likeable!”</p><p>“I think you are, SpongeBob, but Sammy doesn’t like all things hyper. He is very relaxed and laid back. But I’ll see what I can do for you, okay?”</p><p>SpongeBob is content with this answer and sits down next to Squidward again, who himself is feeling everything <em>but </em>content.</p><p>“I’m glad you are feeling better, Squiddy. Do you want to go cycling together?”</p><p>Squidward is glad the topic of his lies is dropped, and although he would rather stay in bed all day, going for a quick trip with SpongeBob might do him some good. “Where do you want to go, Sponge?”</p><p>“You can pick. I am going to get my unicycle, and you can get dressed. See you in a minute, Squiddy!”</p><p> </p><p>Squidward didn’t know how much good some fresh water could do him. The two are sitting on the strip of sand in the Bikini Bottom Park, looking at the grassy hills in front of them. SpongeBob is chewing some gum, making a lot of noise and blowing bubbles that are way too big and on the verge of popping. For once Squidward doesn’t mind that much; he is glad to be outside and mostly glad to see the sponge happy.</p><p>In-between the smacking of his lips SpongeBob turns to his partner to ask him something: “Can you write something for me too?”</p><p>Squidward, finally starting to feel happy in his own skin again, decides to confess. “I already have.”</p><p>SpongeBobs eyes lighten up. “You have? Can I see it? I want to see it, Squiddy!”</p><p>“I’ll show you later, okay?”</p><p>“Is it better than what you wrote for Sammy?”</p><p>Reality hits hard; even harder when reality consists of nothing but big fat lies. “Oh, uh… for sure. A lot better.”</p><p>SpongeBob kisses Squidward with a kiss filled with nothing but pure love for this particular octopus. “I love you, honey. I want to be with you forever. And longer than forever. And longer than longer than forever.”</p><p>“So do I. I love you even more, Sponge.” <em>And how could I have ever thought otherwise?</em></p><p> </p><p>Three days later Squidward is cleaning his house up after work. It has been a while since he went to the Krusty Krab. Not that he had missed it… well, maybe a little. Just a little. SpongeBob had filled in for him and Mr. Krabs didn’t mind as long as he earned him more of his precious money.</p><p>His home needed a good cleanse, at least in Squidwards own eyes. While practicing his musical scales he vacuums the hallway. “Figaro, figaro, figaro, figaroooooowwwww.”</p><p>His days of betrayal seem long gone, and things have been fine with him and SpongeBob ever since they went to the park together. Life couldn’t be better! Except for maybe that lie he told him… But even that was for the better!</p><p>His singing gets louder by the minute, even overpowering the noise the vacuum cleaner is making. “Figaro, figaro, figaaaaroooooow.”</p><p>The only thing it doesn’t overpower is the doorbell ringing. Squidward shuts down the noisy piece of machinery, wipes his hands on a piece of cloth he had hanging over his shoulder and opens the door.</p><p>And of course his life always has a way of crushing in on him just when he is feeling better. “Squilliam. I… I… forgot.”</p><p>“You FORGOT?! What could be <em>so </em>important that you forgot to visit me?”</p><p>Squidward backs away from him: “Life, Squilliam. My boyfriend, and my job. Everything is more important than you are.” He doesn’t understand how he could have ever loved this manipulating, selfish and arrogant octopus.</p><p>“Is that so? Because if you don’t have this composition finished you know who I will tell about our time together. And you know as well as I do that <em>you</em> were the one taking <em>me</em> down on the floor.”</p><p>“I… I have it finished.”</p><p>“You do? Oh, that’s wonderful dearest Squiddo.” He kisses him, pushes him against the door in fake eagerness.</p><p>“I can’t do this, Squilliam. Take the composition and leave. Please.” Squidwards mind is numb. He tries to push the cephalopod away, but his tentacles feel like putty and the only thing he achieves is brushing against Squilliams skin lightly.  </p><p>Squilliam guides the octopus up the stairs, towards his bed. He takes off Squidwards shirt.</p><p>“Go, Squilliam. Go home. Go home, please.” Squidward is crying, unable to move or stop Squilliam. It is as if his brain isn’t working anymore.</p><p>“But I need you, Squiddo. And you need <em>this.</em>” He forces his mating arm inside.</p><p>Squidward is feeling nauseous and closes his eyes, trying to think about something else and get it over with.</p><p>Squilliam is enjoying using the unmoving and confused body for his own good. But he hopes the composition is perfect after today so he never has to do this again. It is fine to relieve himself every once in a while, but it shouldn’t be at a high cost. And while having Squidward attached to you is mostly very handy for important causes, it gets quite annoying after a while. “Oh yes, Squiddo, don’t you still love me?”</p><p>Tears of emotional hurt and pain are streaming down Squidwards face. “I—uh, Sq… I…I…”</p><p>A noise on the stairs startles the both of them, followed by someone’s calling. “I still need to see the song you wrote for me!” The door flies open and a yellow face appears behind it for a brief second before quickly retrieving.</p><p>“SpongeBob” Squidward voices inaudible before yelling loudly. “SpongeBob!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tears of misery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have been feeling very depressed these past couple of weeks and I think it might rub of just a little, tiny bit - a lot- on my story. That  reminds me of Mr. Talent and his tentacles rubbing on some art :’) Okay, let’s leave before things escalate…<br/>The next chapter makes for a happy end, I promise :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“SpongeBob, wait!” Squidward calls out, but the sponge has already left, a trail of tears flowing behind him. Squidward gets up, looks at Squilliam with a look that could carry all the hurt in the world, and runs after his partner.</p><p>Squilliam is enjoying all of this very much. He had hoped this would happen eventually, but the sooner the better. He was getting kind of tired of Squidward anyway.</p><p>SpongeBob only lets himself fully go when he reaches his bed. He falls upon it and cries all the tears his square body contains, soaking them up and letting them go.</p><p>Squidward has reached his door, but for the first time ever the sponge has closed it behind him, locking himself inside. “SpongeBob, Sponge! Open up please!”</p><p>SpongeBob doesn’t hear him, the only thing he can hear is the thoughts in his mind, and the steady flow of tears coming from his tired and red eyes. Gary has come up to him and is nuzzling up against his owner the way only a snail could; trying to comfort him in his own snaily way. SpongeBob doesn’t even notice it. <em>See? Squidward is much happier with someone else. He loves Squilliam. They should be together, and I shouldn’t get in their way.</em> He cries out his next thought aloud, even though nobody would have understood a word through his hiccups and sniffling: “And it’s my fault. I forced Squidward to see Squilliam. And now he loves him again. It’s my fault, my fault, my fault…”</p><p>Squidward has stopped knocking, he knows it’s of no use. SpongeBobs crying has probably alerted the whole of Bikini Bottom of what just happened inside of his home. “HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID!” Angry tears are forming in his eyes. <em>How could <span class="u">I</span> be so stupid?! <span class="u">I</span> never wanted this! It was Squilliam who did all this! And Squilliam who… If only… </em>He hurries back home, his tentacles making plopping sounds on the cold sand. He roughly swings the door open and runs up the stairs. “SQUILLIAM, YOU… YOU…”</p><p>Only then he sees that he has let himself go to an empty bed. Squilliam is gone, along with his composition. <em>Figures…</em></p><p>Squidward lets himself fall down onto the floor. “Oh, it’s not Squilliam’s fault, it’s mine! I lied to the one I love, I cheated on him… I let him down.” Downheartedly he starts changing the covers as if to wipe away everything that happened on them with putting new ones on. If only it were that easy…</p><p>He knows SpongeBob will never forgive him. He is always very forgiving, but this… He will never forgive him for what he has done this time, and it is what he, Squidward Q. Tentacles, deserves. <em>Actually no, I deserve much, MUCH worse. </em>His lip starts to quiver. “Why can’t I never do anything right?! Must everything in my life be such a mess, be so hard, be so hurtful?” He blows his nose inside the clean, white cotton he’s holding before putting it inside the laundry basket. He puts the lid on with a loud smack to try and erase the memories it holds. Again, if only it were that easy…</p><p>When he walks by the mirror he can’t help but cringe at the way his face looks. This morning it still had that beautiful blueish glow, but it has made room for red eyes, a runny nose and tears running all the way down, dripping onto his shirt. All he wants it to go to sleep, maybe never wake up again. SpongeBob would be better off without him. Nobody needs a boyfriend that runs away the first time someone says he loves him. <em>Nobody</em> needs him in fact. Nobody at all.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Gary. Why did I tell him to go?” SpongeBob cries, holding his pet snail tightly in his hands.</p><p>“Meow.”</p><p>“No, it <em>is</em> my fault! He will be better off without me.” The tears that had only just disappeared are starting to come up again. He tries to suck them up before they can drip down his face, but it’s of no use. Soon the tears are dripping on Gary’s shell; a noise that sounds awfully cold and lonesome in his dark bedroom.</p><p>“Meow, meow, meow.” Gary huddles closer to his sad owner.</p><p> “At least I still have you” he voices. Right after those words the tears are coming down in steady streams: “But I want my Squiddy back!”</p><p>“Meow?”</p><p>“Oh Gare-bear, I just can’t help it.”</p><p>Gary takes the sheets in his mouth and pulls them up to SpongeBobs nose. SpongeBob closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His pet snail wriggles himself between the sponge’s arms again and strokes him comfortingly with one of his eyes. “Meow.”</p><p>“I love you too, Gary.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Squidward puts on his Krusty Krab hat and closes the door behind him. Unfortunately he woke up today, and if there is one thing he doesn’t want to do it’s going to work. Although it might be the perfect opportunity to apologize to SpongeBob… if he can find the right words. He has always found it difficult to say sorry. Dear Neptune; he once spend an entire day trying to say it to SpongeBob! And this time there aren’t even any words invented to describe how terrible he feels. He slouches all the way towards the filthy restaurant and opens the door, only to be greeted by the cheerful voice of his boss.</p><p>“Good morning, Mr. Squidward!” <em>Mr. Krabs sure is in a happy mood. He might be the only one today.</em></p><p>“Morning” he sighs and takes place behind the cash register without another word.</p><p>“Where’s SpongeBob this morning? You didn’t leave him at home, now did ya?”</p><p>Suddenly Squidwards eyes are wide open. “Uh, I… uh… He’s not here yet?”</p><p>The kitchen sure was suspiciously quiet when he got here. Still, he looks behind him to see if maybe the sponge is playing hide and seek behind the stack of buns or is making squeaky music with some sliced pickles.</p><p>“He called me this morning; said he was sick. I thought the little lad was joking. He’s never sick!”</p><p>“Oh… uh… I…”</p><p>“Stop stammering, Mr. Squidward. Get to work.”</p><p>“But… who… why… I…”</p><p>“I’ll bake the patties today. Now, get to work; we’ve got money to earn!” Mr. Krabs answers him, somehow knowing what Squidward meant to say but wasn’t able to.</p><p>
  <em>SpongeBob is not at work… just let that sink in Squidward… You made him feel so bad that he didn’t come to work! He LOVES his work! He wants to stay at home rather than go to work. YOU made him feel that way. YOU, YOU, YOU, and you alone!</em>
</p><p>“…. and some Kelp Fries.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh great; customers…</em>
</p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>
  <em>I need to go to SpongeBob. I need to see him. I need to apologize. I need to do it now!</em>
</p><p>“…and Kelp Fries, please.”</p><p>
  <em>Barnacles! Missed it again.</em>
</p><p>“Don’t mutter! I can’t understand a word you’re saying!”</p><p>“Never mind, I’ll go across the street.” The fish walks away angrily, followed by Mr. Krabs who comes running out of the kitchen with an apron tied around his body, trying to stop him.</p><p>“Oh, but Mr. Squidward,” he says, the emphasis judgingly resting on Squidward, “was just about to write it down. Take a seat sir, make yourself comfortable.” He is feeling around in the back pocket of the brown fish to see how much money he has taken with him. When he has gone through his wallet and is seemingly content he puts it back, smiles a broad smile and hastily walks back towards the kitchen. His face appears from the window as he speaks through his teeth: “Take his order, Mr. Squidward.”</p><p>“Mr. Krabs, I need to go---”</p><p>“Go to work. Great idea, Mr. Squidward.”</p><p>
  <em>This is going to be a long day…</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Meow?”</p><p>“Not now, Gary.” SpongeBob turns around to face away from the snail. He has hardly closed his eyes all night and simply couldn’t go to work. He had called Mr. Krabs this morning crying buckets of tears and feeling miserable for missing a day of work. But he really couldn’t face Squidward today. Nor anyone else.</p><p>“Meow.” Gary is pushing around his food bowl to get his owner to notice how hungry he is. But the sponge is still lying in bed without moving an inch. He’d better do it himself. He glides down the stairs, grabs the belt used for walks around town and uses it as a lasso to grab a container of snail-po from the top of the cabinets. The aluminum has burst open at the fall covering the floor with the brownish flakes. Gary happily takes a bite. If his owner doesn’t want to move today, he will have to take care of himself. When he has eaten all the food he glides towards the couch and grabs hold of the remote. He uses his eye to put his favorite channel on and makes himself comfortable. “Meow, meow!” he cheers as some cowboys enter the screen.</p><p>Meanwhile his spongey owner upstairs is feeling anything but cheery. He doesn’t remember ever feeling this miserable. Well… maybe when he thought Squidward didn’t love him, before they got together. But that was so long ago! Doesn’t Squidward still love him? There is nothing he would want more than for Squidward to love him. <em>But he’s better off with Squilliam. They clearly love each other. </em></p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“SpongeBob, SpongeBob, open up the door!” Squidward is continuously knocking on the door so hard his tentacle is hurting. Of course Mr. Krabs had him working overtime to make up for the fact that his favorite fry-cook wasn’t there. He came as quickly as possible, worrying sick about his partner all day. The fact that SpongeBob has locked himself inside the entire day is something that is even worse. The sponge is usually so outgoing and social. Being inside an entire day just isn’t like him.</p><p>“Sponge, Sponge? I just want to talk to you.”</p><p>But the cold, nightly breeze is the only answer the octopus gets. He puts his tentacles inside his pockets and walks back home, drowning himself in despair. As soon as he opens the door he knows that there is only one thing that can give him comfort at a time like this. And SpongeBob would not agree with that either. <em>But I probably already lost him.</em></p><p>A couple of bottles later his mind is still anything but rested. His mind is ready for something that he needed to do a long time ago. Stumbling and clumsily holding himself up against the walls he struggles towards the door. “I’m coming for you, I’m coming for you” he mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>How he managed to reach Squilliams door safely must have been a miracle, but there he is, knocking on it with both tentacles like a maniac. It would probably not be that far off of how he actually looks.</p><p>Squilliam has opened the door before Squidwards mind noticed it, leaving him knocking Squilliams body a few times. Squilliam grabs hold of his beating tentacles and takes a stumbling Squidward inside. “Squiddo, I wasn’t expecting you tonight!”</p><p>“I came to talk, Squilliam.” The words coming out of his mouth are slurred and barely recognizable as any existing words.</p><p>Squilliam has placed him on the couch, a feeling all too familiar and that doesn’t bring any good memories back. Somehow the cephalopod knows what Squidward is trying to say. “Talk, dearest Squiddo. Talk to me.”</p><p>“Why’d you do it?”</p><p>“Do what?” Squilliam looks at him like an innocent schoolboy.</p><p>“Ruin my life? Ruin my past? Ruin my present? Ruin everything!”</p><p>Squilliam looks down at his lap, a shy gesture Squidward has never seen him do. But maybe it’s just the alcohol letting him see things that aren’t there. “I think you should go home, Squiddo.”</p><p>That snaps something inside Squidward. He didn’t come to talk small talk and leave. He came here with a good reason; the fact that his life is ruined. Again!</p><p>"I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU'VE TOLD ME WHY YOU DID IT" he beams out furiously all of a sudden. "Why do you go around ruining my life, destroying everything I've got!"
Squilliam shrugs: "I guess I just like destroying things."<br/>
"I am serious, Squilliam!" Tears of anger are forming in his eyes. "Why did you hurt me? Why did you come up to me in college? Why <em>me</em>?"<br/>
Squilliam looks downcast and mutters something under his breath. "You were an easy victim."<br/>
Squidward is thrown off guard by this for a second. "I... I was... w...what?"<br/>
"You were shy, scared, inexperienced, unwanted, unloved---"<br/>
"Wow, thanks for that..." Squidward says in-between Squilliams listing.<br/>
"And incredibly handsome." Squilliam is fiddling with his ascot, not looking Squidward in the eye.<br/>
"You thought---"<br/>
"Yes, alright, I admit it: you were the most handsome octopus I had ever come across. Happy now?"<br/>
"Well, I have looked in the mirror before... But why did you hurt me? It was obvious I had a crush on you. You could have flicked your tentacles and I was yours. Why the manipulating? Did you truly only ever want my compositions?"<br/>
"Uh...” Squidward can swear there are little droplets of sweat forming on Squilliams face. “Uh… well, no not really.”<br/>
This is the most conversation Squidward has ever had with Squilliam. To think it took booze for him to face him like this, to finally talk things through. He doesn’t know why he never managed to do so before. <em>Maybe SpongeBob was right… It might be good to talk it out together, figure out why things happened the way they did.<br/>
</em>"You know; I had everything, Friends, money, talent. Everything you didn’t."<br/>
"Wow, thanks again."<br/>
"But despite all that I was very lonely to be honest. I thought nobody could ever truly love me. All my friends were.... just after my money. And there you were... perfect. But surely you would never want to love me by yourself, so I forced you."</p><p>“But Squilliam, you… you didn’t have to.”</p><p>It is as if Squidward had turned the faucet on; the words are streaming out of Squilliams mouth like there is no tomorrow and everything has to be said right here right now. “And then I had driven you away from me. I could tell the exact moment you were getting scared. That’s when I went to do the only thing I was ever taught to do; manipulate others. I could use your compositions… and I could use your love; even if it was forced.”</p><p>“Oh Squilly…” Whatever percentage of alcohol was still left in his body has somehow disappeared. Probably the doing of that same angel that helped him reach Squilliams house safely. Seeing Squilliam all vulnerable like this is saddening. Just an hour ago he would have been happy to see just this image, but maybe SpongeBob has changed him for the better, because all he wants to do right now is throw his arms around Squilliam and tell him everything will be okay. He came here to tear up the composition, to tell him how much he hates him, to spit on his shiny marble floors, to throw an expensive statue on the floor and to destroy his life as much as he destroyed his. Somehow he can’t anymore. <em>Stupid Sponge and his good heart. Made me all soft like that.</em> He smiles at this thought, just a little, and does what his partner would have done; hug Squilliam. “I still hate you, you know?” he says with a twinkle in his eyes.</p><p>“Oh Squiddo, I hate you even more.”</p><p>“Take the composition Squilliam. It’s yours.”</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Squidward is startled by this, retrieves from his hug, coughs awkwardly, and stands up. Squilliam has spoken those words a dozen times, but they were never quite as heartfelt as this time. His heart breaks a little having to destroy Squilliams dream as he answers him: "I can't be with you, Squilly.”<br/>
"I know."<br/>
"Just be happy, okay?"<br/>
"I'll try, dearest Squiddo, I'll try."<br/>
"You know, I never truly got over the fact at how stupid that nickname is" Squidward laughs, looking at Squilliam one last time before closing the door.<br/>
Squilliam smiles a little broken smile as a response. "Goodbye, <em>Squidward</em>.”<br/>
"Goodbye, Squilliam. I'll see you around sometime."<br/>
The door closes. And so does this awful chapter in Squidwards life.<br/>
Now all he has to do is cheer Spongebob up, make it up to him somehow, however hard it might be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. It was a silly thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning Squidward wakes up feeling refreshed but continues to lay in bed for a little while longer. Even though the effect of alcohol is long gone he still feels a little… off. Maybe that’s just because he needs to come up with a plan to make SpongeBob happy again. If that will ever work. He probably never wants to see him again. He sighs. <em>It’s your own fault, Squidward. You better come up with something really good this time.</em></p><p>His eyes widen, suddenly remembering the little hints SpongeBob had given him over the past four months. And how he cut him off each time, or simply not take him seriously. He had never even thought about--- that. <em>Would that really be the only way?</em></p><p>But if he is being honest to himself; he knows it is. There might only be one way left to fix this. Maybe two. Maybe combined. <em>SpongeBob would certainly love it. Or it will give him an opportunity to laugh at me for the rest of his life. Either way, it will cheer him up. It’s worth the try. And would it be so bad? </em>He feels a smile forming on his own face, just thinking about it. <em>No, it wouldn’t. </em></p><p>He gets up from bed and looks out of his window at the empty street. A tumbleweed rolling by wouldn’t be surprising to him at all, if only it weren’t for his pink neighbor interrupting the quietness.</p><p>“What’s that moron doing anyway?” He opens the window to peek outside. Patrick is running around his rock, holding a tin can in front of him. He is panting and complaining loudly every once in a while.</p><p>“Patrick!”</p><p>No response.</p><p>“Patrick!”</p><p>The sea star stops and looks up at Squidward. “Oh, good morning Squidward.”</p><p>“What <em>are</em> you doing?”</p><p>Patrick looks up at Squidward confused: “What do you mean?”</p><p>“The can. In your hand.” Squidward rolls his eyes. Why did he even bother to try in the first place?</p><p>“Oh yeah! I was making breakfast.”</p><p>“Running around?”</p><p>Patrick points at the can, not realizing Squidward won’t be able to read what it says. “See?”</p><p>“See what, Patrick? Can’t you see I’m <em>up</em> here, and you are <em>down</em> there?”</p><p>“Oh right! Wait.”</p><p>
  <em>Tell me he’s not going… aaaand he is. Great.</em>
</p><p>Patrick, now standing in front of Squidward points at the can again. “It says s.p.u.r.t aroouund, see?”</p><p>Squidward grabs the can from his big pink hands and takes a quick peek at the label. He looks up at the heavens. “Patrick. It says <em>stir</em> around.”</p><p>Patrick laughs sheepishly. “I tried that yesterday, Squidward, I’m not stupid! It didn’t work.” He grabs the can back from Squidwards tentacles and takes a spoon from his pants. He tries his hardest to stir around the can while the lid is still on, his tongue sticking out of his mouth.</p><p>Squidward feels the urge to scold him off for being so dumb well up inside. <em>It’s SpongeBob’s best friend, Squidward. </em>He takes a deep breath. “Let me open that up for you, Patrick. I have something downstairs that will do the trick.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>“Meow.” If ever the noise of a snail could sound agitated, it would have been now. SpongeBob has not gotten up from bed at all since he lied down. His whole body feels weak by now, even weaker than usual. Patrick had come by his door a couple of times, but he didn’t feel like getting up and explaining to him why he feels this way. Eventually his best friend had given up and he hadn’t tried since. The one the most impacted by the sponge not getting up is Gary. Sure, he is able to feed himself and watch the television, but he isn’t able to open the door and go outside. And even a snail needs to socialize every once in a while. He desperately wants to go to the park and see Mary. His meows have become more like growling as time went by, SpongeBob always waving them away with a blubbery hand.</p><p>Gary has his belt wrapped around the wheel on the door, pulling it with his teeth to try and get it to turn. “Me-oooow” he cries, when he doesn’t manage to get it to open. He is running out of options. And he simply doesn’t like it.</p><p>He glides away gloomily but is turned around by a whooshing sound coming from the door. Is someone going to open it!? Unfortunately the only thing that happens is a little piece of paper sliding into the living room. The snail looks at it for a second, not knowing what to do. Maybe this is the thing that will get his owner up his feet again. Maybe he was waiting for this to come. He takes the letter in his mouth and glides up the stairs towards SpongeBob.</p><p>“Meow.” His meow comes out a little muffled by the paper hanging from the side of his mouth.</p><p>“Leave me alone, Gare-bear. Please.”</p><p>“Meow!” Gary is now sitting next to his owner, poking the letter into his side.</p><p>SpongeBob turns around. “Gary, can’t you see I’m busy he---”</p><p>Surprised he grabs the letter from Gary’s mouth. It’s a bit slimy and wet, but perfectly readable. “That’s Squiddy’s handwriting!”</p><p>Excitedly he sits up for the first time in days and uses his teeth to slit open the envelope.</p><p>“Come to the Jellyfish Fields at 7 – Squidward.”</p><p>It’s simple. Yet perfect. SpongeBob can feel tears forming in his eyes. Maybe Squidward does still love him after all! He jumps out of bed and walks towards his bathroom with weak wobbly legs. His face has become scruffy and there are big bags under his eyes. He throws some water on his face, absorbing it, and letting it move through his entire body before squeezing it out and looking back up at himself in the mirror. “Looking good, SquarePants.” Indeed his face has gone back to normal, the way only a sponge could so easily change his appearance.</p><p>He slides down the railing of the stairs and throws open the door to let in some fresh water. “Good morning, Bikini Bottom!”</p><p>Gary, noticing the door is finally open, quickly glides outside and meows the happiest meow anyone has probably ever heard.</p><p>SpongeBob is singing a song while letting his entire house soak up the fresh smell of Bikini Bottom. He skips towards his kitchen and grabs some cookies from the counter. His stomach starts growling; he hasn’t eaten in days and it has shrunken down. He takes a bite and lets his mouth explore the sweet flavors. “Gary, why didn’t you tell me how good these are? I wonder if Squiddy will make me some fo---” <em>He could also tell you he wants to leave you. That he is going on with Squilliam. That he doesn’t love you anymore. He could tell you that…</em></p><p>“No, he won’t! Hewonthewonthewonthewont!” SpongeBob tries to force himself to remain in a happy mood. <em>Of course Squidward won’t tell you that he wants to leave you. He would have written it on the letter, wouldn’t he?</em></p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Squidward is adjusting his bowtie in the mirror. He has put on his fanciest suit for tonight. The one SpongeBob had pointed at excitedly a billion times when he was going through his wardrobe. The purple tailcoat with the sleeves that are slightly too long. The one that goes perfect with the pink bowtie he got for his birthday. He licks his tentacle and adjusts his eyebrow. “Looking good, Squiddy.”</p><p>The clock on his wall reveals that it’s half past six. Time to get going to avoid ending up walking there together with SpongeBob. He should already be there when SpongeBob arrives. That’s the proper way to do it. He takes the basket filled with some of SpongeBobs favorite foods – but prepared with utmost care and precision – under his arm and walks out the door quietly, hoping SpongeBob will not notice him leaving. He really doesn’t want to see him before they reach the Jellyfish Fields, it would be too awkward. And he needs some time to prepare himself to say that one word… and those other four.</p><p> </p><p>When he arrives at the Jellyfish Fields he has to rub his eyes. Is that really SpongeBob sitting there? Well; who else is square, yellow, and would be wearing a blue collared shirt that is way too big for him and looks more like a dress?</p><p>“SpongeBob! I told you to meet me at seven, what are you doing here?” he yells to the creature’s back as he paces towards him.</p><p>SpongeBob turns around, now sitting on top of his legs and biting his lip, making Squidward stop on his place. <em>I forgot how handsome he was, oh how could I ever forget! </em>His stomach flutters and his heart is beating fast. He wants to go over there, push him onto the grass and kiss him. Right there, right now. He holds himself back, blushing uncontrollably and sits down next to the sponge.</p><p>“This was not how it’s supposed to go” he mutters under his breath. “SpongeBob, why are you here early?”</p><p>SpongeBob looks up at him, a certain sadness reflecting from his big blue eyes. “I wanted to get this all out before you came.”</p><p>Squidward only now notices the same white and red checkered blanket lying on the grass they had on their first proper date, and an arrange of food spread across. He feels a little stupid putting down his own basket. “Oh well, uh, you didn’t have to.”</p><p>“You made food as well?” Despite the cheerful comment SpongeBobs voice still sounds very gloomy. As if he expects Squidward to walk away any second or tell him something very bad. <em>I can’t blame him for that.</em></p><p>He turns to SpongeBob, looking at him seriously all of a sudden, little droplets of sweat dripping down his forehead. “Sponge, I need to say I’m… I want to… To say… To apologi… To say I’m… To tell you… To let you know I’m… Apologize for what I….”</p><p>SpongeBob quietly awaits Squidwards stammering while fiddling with the edge of his oversized shirt.</p><p>“Do you remember when we first went here?” Squidward calls out, just to say something instead of blabber useless words.</p><p>SpongeBob nods, a small smile appearing on his face, yet still looking very nervous. “I remember when you kissed me.” His voice grows small again: “And when you said you loved me.”</p><p>“Sponge,” Squidward speaks gently, now finally able to say what he wants to say, “I’m sorry about everything. When Squilliam asked me to write something for him everything went blurry inside my head. He forced me to do something I didn’t want to do… and I didn’t want to hurt you. I am to blame for everything. He got me all confused, but Sponge… I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you.”</p><p>“So, there’s no Sammy Fishfingers?”</p><p>Squidward sighs: “Just Squilliam Fancyson… I’m sorry, Sponge.”</p><p>“It was a silly name to begin with” SpongeBob giggles.</p><p>Squidward laughs sourly. <em>Why isn’t he screaming at me? Why isn’t he crying? Leaving? Beating me up? Why is he just sitting there all… broken? Faking smiles? </em></p><p>“You can hit me if you want.”</p><p>“I don’t want to hit you.”</p><p>“You can leave if you want.”</p><p>“I don’t want to leave you.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“I haven’t heard your song yet.”</p><p>Squidward starts blushing. The thing this all started with. The thing that caused this mess. He actually has his clarinet with him, already counting on playing it for SpongeBob. It was one of the things he figured might cheer him up. “Do you want to hear it?”</p><p>SpongeBob nods.</p><p>Squidward takes his clarinet from his basket and puts it to his lips. He doesn’t need to read the notes, he knows them by heart. A squeaky out of tune song comes out. He can’t play when he’s all nervous like this. What was he thinking? He could never cheer up SpongeBob by playing a simple song.</p><p>“Uhm, let me try that again.” He clears his throat and puts the clarinet back in position, only for the same bad notes to come out.</p><p>“Oh, what am I thinking! Just forget it!” He puts his clarinet on the ground roughly and quite annoyed with himself.</p><p>SpongeBob puts his hand on top of his tentacle, sending electric pulses trough his entire body. “I liked it.”</p><p>“You did?”</p><p>SpongeBob nods.</p><p>“Hey, Sponge?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Remember when I told you for the first time how happy you made me? We were sitting here and I was holding your hand, just like this. And the sun was setting, just like that.”</p><p>“I remember.”</p><p>“I want to make you happy again. I love you, SpongeBob.”</p><p>“There is nothing I want more than being with you, Squiddy. But you and Squilliam… you’re together.”</p><p>Squidward jumps up. He had feared SpongeBob might think that. “Oh no, no, no! I have made a terrible mistake, Sponge. I wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone other than you. Ever.”</p><p>SpongeBob’s eyes widen: “Really?”</p><p>
  <em>Still, there’s this hurt in his eyes. I need to get rid of that. I love him. I love him so much my heart could burst, all of them. </em>
</p><p>“And that’s why…,” he kneels down on one knee, looking down at the very confused sponge in front of him, “SpongeBob, do you want to marry me?”</p><p>All the happiness in the world floods back into SpongeBobs eyes as he throws his arms around Squidward, pinning him down to the grass. He kisses him; a long and passionate kiss that counts for all the ones he missed out on the past couple of days. Also a kiss because he thought Squidward would never pick up on all the hints he dropped. His blue shirt is flowing in the breeze as he looks down into Squidwards twinkling eyes and speaks: “Yes.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for reading! Your comments always cheer up my day. I was bawling my eyes out writing this chapter. I love these two too much ♥<br/>I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm a bit sad that I'm going to have to say goodbye to Squilliam for the ending of the trilogy. I'm going to miss him too. It might take a bit longer for me to update the story this time, because I am busy with a lot of other SB projects. Anyway, thank you for reading and leaving comments on part 2. It means so much to me!</p>
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